The weekend - another bittersweet 2 days but dang I love my boys

Well Elias finally went back to school after a week off the first week back. He was fine. He diesn't like colouring too much though and says it takes "too long".

He is so tired in the late afternoons and evenings and I do wonder if one of my boys will inherit my Hashimoto's thyroid disease. It is likely. My aunt Berit had it (Dad's sister), then Dad was diagnosed although much later in life.

But really Elias could probably be in bed, lights out by 8 but how can I do that if I get in at 6? Eat, wash, bathroom, change all in an hour and a half (giving us 30 minutes to settle down and read our story)? NO WAY. So... one night this week was total mayhem and ended in screaming tears (his, not mine) lasting a good 20 minutes. I was OK actually. I went from frustrated to angry to calm in those 20 minutes. My heart aches when I think of how tired and messed up he was. When he started hitting me though, I did react. I hit him.

 :(  :(  :(  :(

Not hard of course, but he slapped me hard on the head so he got a little one back Shocked him. He tried punching me in the chest and got a poke back too. So that was the end of the hitting. I do not condone slapping or spanking at all but he was actually hurting me and he was so basic and instinctual that there was no WAY reasoning would have helped AT ALL. So I went basic, explaining what I was doing and why and it helped. Then I resorted to the "OK boys who scream and shout and hit don't get to play with their toys" and he piped down. For a while at least. I am glad I said, "It is OK to be angry, it is OK to feel this but it is not OK to scream and hit mummy" and I said it a lot. I gave him options on what he could do when he felt this way. So at least I got that in. Argh to be a perfect mother...

Xavi had a fine week although he is often not too happy about going to daycare.

I hate working full time, can I just say that at this point?

OK, back to Xavi. He was fine, he is always very happy to see me but he doesn't cry when I drop him off so I hope he is content there during the day. He doesn't seem damaged (!) and he is so vocal so I hope he would be able to tell me if anything negative happened to him there.

I'm worried about him in school next year. Which teacher? The same as Elias? She is great but 1) the boys will play in Italian and 2) they might fight as brothers. Benedetta is considered a bitch by the children (nice rep, lady). Elena was a total bitch to René. Another teacher is off limits because of a boy in it. Then that leaves one unknown teacher... Well, I guess I just have to go with what happens but all I can say is... MESS WITH MY BOY AND I WILL RAISE HELL so I hope to heck for everyone's sake it all works out OK. Xavi is so sweet even though he is tougher in a way than Elias, I think Xavi's emotions are more raw. So whenever I think about anyone messing with his unadulterated joy, I get very, very protective. Elias is so much more reserved in his feelings, I just have the impression that he holds back a little so if anyone messes with him, even though he is hurt, there is a little bit he's left to one side that remains unhurt if you see what I mean. Of course anyone hurts EITHER of them in any way at all, big or small and I will become a lethal, evil, never-forget-me-ever banshee type being that will probably have to check to make sure I control myself.

Just sayin'.

As for the weekend, it was rainy but nice. I love my weekends. I love my little boys. Jesus they are so cute and sweet. OK they can be little so-and-sos to sometimes but nothing major. So on Saturday we began with a morning with mummy in a foul mood because

I. AM. SICK. TO. CR*P. OF. THE. TV. AND. DVD. AND. COMPUTER.

I am seriously thinking of sabotage. 

What does it take to convince *some* people to turn the screens OFF. What? WHAT???

OK after I cooled off, me and the boys went to the park ("Parco Posta") in between rainfalls and hung out, played "bar", picked up sticks, looked at another bike thrown in the river (que fula) and then went home. Lunch, nap. Woke up and then had mega snack in preparation for the swimming lesson. Then the ARGHGHGHH started. So get the double stroller and two bags, squeezed two kids in (they're too big for it), covered the lot in a raincover and went to the pool.

(Digression: It is times like Saturday evening that I resent my lifestyle. I work effin' hard and live in a one-bedroom flat, have to walk in the dark and rain to the pool with kids crammed into a used, too-small stroller with tape on the holes in the raincover because we cannot afford a car, and then do the lot again when the swimming lesson is over. I blame a lot of people for this, I harbour anger, I acknowledge my role in it all too but yes, I confess, really do think it would be easier if I had and/or had had a bit more help along the way. Feel sorry for myself? Sometimes. Not proud of it, know it's not right but yes, sometimes I confess I do. OK, rant over.)

Elias did great in the swimming lesson even though he hadn't been for ages. Xavi was a good boy too and was fine to trot about and eat crackers for the hour it takes.

We got home past 8 and had a picnic dinner on the living room floor made up of carrot sticks, apple, orange and a few raisins. Their diet had been pretty awful most of the day which is why we ate rabbit food for dinner.

Sunday was rainy again. Wander around, brief visit to the park again where we (I) wrote in the snow and practised reading CAT, BAT etc, matched some upper case with lower case letters and drew a picture of a cat. Xavi participated too - he can identify quite a few letters.

We went to the supermarket to pick up ingredients for baking, then home to eat a decent lunch (broccoli, soy cutlets and potato - brava, mamma). They watched a DVD with Daddy (more screen time but at least it was in English) while I baked chocolate zucchini cake. Le snack (orange and aformentioned cake) then walk to the carousel (merry go round) where we rode on the tractor, pirate ship and "wee-do, wee do" (car with siren). Then Xavi got tired and needed carrying and put his little head on my shoulder and Elias decided he really needed to go to the bathroom (of course he had said he didn't need to before leaving, bless and grrr) but he was very good at "holding it in" (!) so we wiggled and scurried home. Dinner (rice which Daddy made and no one ate, yay!), lolling about and then bed, bath routine and out-like-a-light-asleep by 8.30. No nap today so very tired little creatures but no bedtime screaming so bonus there.

I also did 3 loads of laundry and other stuff. Of. Course.

So now it is Sunday evening and I am tired and a little sad, as I am each and every Sunday when I know the week looms. Re-reading this post I have changed the title to what it is. Bittersweet because I love my weekends and my boys and I am grateful and I know I am lucky but you can read that there are frustrations in my life which are, well, frustrating. Oh well, count my blessings and all that. No pics today but I will try to put some on here soon.

Nighty night.