Overprotective?

Am I overprotective?

I often fear I am the ever-present, hovering mother who is always saying "Be careful!" and "No don't do that!" or "Get away from there, you'll hurt yourself!" which will inevitably stunt my children's emotional and physical growth and turn them into paranoid mummy's boys.

I am a girl. I am an only child. I have no idea how much is too much, how much a boy can and should run and jump and risk their butts in the playground - I was happy to trot around my garden and play with toys.

In my defence, I remind myself that Elias is still 2, albeit for only about 2 more weeks, but that although he seems tall and hairy, he is still a small kid. I think I'm OK with Xavi becuse he is not even one and a half yet, although he sure likes to pretend he is about 5. But then I see little Darius at the park who is a tiny, sinewy, Russian thing who is running and holding his own with the big boys and whose father just occasionally shouts instructions to him from the sidelines (could be the enormous beer belly the man is sporting which prevents him from doing much more but still, the kid is amazing). And the fear returns - is my boy going to be a wimp?

In the throes of self-doubt over all this, I decided to conduct a small experiment and really try to be objective to take a good look at what was going on. I decided to sit on my hands, position myself in one place in the playground where I could leap to their aid if needed and shut up and watch them. It was stressful but effective. They ran. I watched. I refrained from too many instructions and warnings. They had fun.

I did this a couple of days. Then a few things happened.

Elias decided to hang over a window thing in the wooden playhouse and as he leaned over it, he just kept on going and fell all the way out, disappearing completely and evidently landing right on his head. It was not high up but it was a little dramatic. Other parents tensed up even. I went over to him, I didn't freak out. Elias emerged, red-faced and rubbing his head. He didn't cry but he was fairly unimpressed. He took it easier for a while after that.

Xavi then proceeded to get knocked over by two bigger girls chasing each other. He was completely unscathed so that went well. When another girl came along riding her bike in the little kids' play area I did tell her nicely to go somewhere else though - I mean, there are limits here (no comment as to where her mother was of course, needless to say, she was not supervising her...).

Later as I exchanged greetings with a mum of two girls, I had to interrupt our conversation as Elias was about 6 feet up climbing the ropes and about to try hanging off the monkey bars (which his little hands can't even get around enough yet and which are 7+ feet off the ground)so I gently extracted him. Meanwhile Xavi was trying hard to do the same and had managed to get up about 2 feet or so but he extracted himself. The girls' mother was stunned at my boys so I thought, "OK, if she's shocked, I am not too paranoid after all." Mind you, she has girls.

Elias has always tumbled and fallen easily. Two chipped teeth, bleeding lips galore and some pretty major bumps to head are a few of the results. He walked early and fell a lot. He is not clumsy so much as distracted and fairly unaware of a few of the fundamentals of injury prevention. He is the kid who will run while looking the other way, he will let go of the swing to examine his thumb, he will just... fall over his own, very big feet. He is also intruigued with big kids and wants to participate in their games, even though they're too much for a little guy. Xavi is, of course, different. He walked late and is less likely to fall but, like any little brother, he wants to do what Elias is doing and will follow him all over the place. He also has no idea what mummy is going on about and will happily wander far, far away without looking back once.

So am I overprotective? After my recent experiment I think that as long as I do not smother them or follow them around while constantly say no, no, no I will stay within the limits of healthy parenting. I am teaching Elias to stop when I say "Stop!" when he runs too far off, and I am teaching him about bicycles in the park. He will never be like Darius but I hope he will also be brave enough to try things out without being foolish. Xavi is a different story but if I can make sure he knows his limits then I will be more comfortable with him testing them.

Just as long as neither of them ever want to skydive or bungee jump, I'll be fine.