OK before I go into how smug I feel I need to specify a few things so as not to seem Miss Judgeypants by my entry below:
- I love Christmas
- I love buying gifts for people
- I argue with my husband regularly
Now, onto the story.
I had a day off and decided to use it to do the Christmas shopping. I went alone to a shopping centre with a stunningly tight budget and therefore a short list.
Two hours later I was done. But wow, the things I saw might have scarred me for life. So I have made this handy, How To Shop Without Freaking Out guide:
Take it easy – it’s Christmas
I saw several mothers and fathers cussing each other out, the worst being the mother screaming at the father, “Ma che cazzo!! Tu vuoi compare tutto quello che non ha chiesto lui!!!” (=”What the f**k!! You want to buy everything that he didn’t ask for!!”). Umm, lady? Take it easy. You’re missing the point. Poor things, I almost felt sorry for them.
Random gifts do not equal love
Father shoving a huge box of something unknown into his toddler son’s face saying, “You like that? You want it?” Umm, sir? You’re missing the point.
Remember why you’re there
I saw shopping carts filled but I mean FILLED with toys for one child. Major but I mean MAJOR cheap, horrible, will break in 5 minutes plastic stuff. Arghghgh! Why buy that for anyone?!?!? You’ll be chucking it out after one day! Not to mention the, oh forget it. Now, where did I put my anti-consumerism, no global, Che Guevara t-shirt?
Go wild, go at lunchtime
Italians are infamous for doing things at the same time. Coffee at 11. Lunch at 1.30. Dinner at 8. OK, maybe I should say they are infamous for eating on a schedule. The place where I was doing my shopping was heaving with people at 12.30. At 1 it was a desert. I toodled around, humming to myself and calmly chose things off shelves. People - Italians - do yourselves a huge favour, postpone lunch a tad and enjoy an empty store to do some calm and happy shopping. Or not, actually, because then if you're all there at lunchtime, when will I go?!?
Remember who you’re with
If you really have to go shopping with your children in a crowded hot place, remember a few things please:
1. Undo or take off their coats, it’s 40° in there.
2. Your kids will get bored and over stimulated so keep the trip short. Don’t feed them chocolate and then expect them to stay in the shopping cart for 2 hours either.
3. Be nice to your children because they really would much rather be at home or in a park running around and getting dirty. Avoid screaming at them. It. Doesn’t. Help.
No need to thank me just yet, you can do so when Christmas is over.
Yours Smugly,
Mrs Judgeypants.
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